Octopussy

I am going to try to get through this without making any Octomom jokes, and a minimal amount of Squiddly Diddly jokes.

You can tell right from the beginning that there was a fake horse in the trailer. I've seen a lot of real horse's asses in my life. Literally.

I'm a Toro, you're a Toro, he's a Toro, she's a Toro. wouldn't you like to be a Toro too?

Uh oh. Bingo fuel.

"All Time High" has to be the most early Eighties song ever. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I guess it's the descending chords.

I doubt that Penelope Smallbone is related to Plenty O'Toole.

Fake egg. By Faberge. You cheap...

If I ever had a meeting in a room that revolved I would toss my bear claw.

500,000 pounds; cheap as chips!

200,000 rupees; that's what, a buck eighty?

The whole crushing thing was more impressive when Oddjob did it with a golf ball.

Stroke!

And then there's Maud. Again.

If Khan has the egg why does he need the chicken?

Bond escapes his cell with the help of his salsa pen.

Pigeons!

Hair dryers interfere with the listening device but Q is working on it.

Don't mind us, we're just hanging around.

I'll be hunting the greatest game of all: Man.

Look out! It's Carol Burnett! Seriously, did we really need the Tarzan yell? Is that the nadir of the Bond series?

Sucker.

I guess a duck on the head would have been out of place. When in India . . .

What exactly is the point of being a secret agent if everyone knows your name? I bet when he walks into Cheers everyone yells, "BOND!"

Next on BBC 2 it's Fishing with Q. 

The truth hurts, 007.

It slices, it dices, it makes a wonderful potato salad.

Hey, it's Throwdini!

Tada! The East German judge gives him a 9.2.

Then we come to the most anticlimactic car chase ever.

I hate flying economy.

It's a cliffhanger.

James Bond will return in From a View to a Kill.