Goldfinger

And now we come to the quintesential Bond film. For better or worse. This is the film where all the elements came together. You couldn't make a more perfect Bond film if you tried, and believe me they tried. A lot.

The plot is so simple, yet so genious. Instead of stealing the gold from Fort Knox, Goldfinger wants to make it radioactive so that the value of his personal stash will increase tenfold, and he's going to use a dirty bomb to do it. A dirty, dirty bomb. We don't learn that last bit until late in the going when Bold has his "Let me get this straight," conversaton with the villian. In fact the idea is so clever I wonder why Hitchcock never thought of it.

The wetsuit to tuxedo thing really doesn't work. It's a bit of silly fluff thrown into the precredit teaser so I really should just let it go.

Is a  bird on the head and one in the bath worth a Pussy in the hay? Discuss.

This is the first of four Bond films directed by Guy Hamilton, and the last to have titles designed by Robert Brownjohn.

Leiter number two; Cec Linder. A friend helps you move. A friend in the CIA helps you move a dead girl covered in gold paint.

Everytime Leiter comes on screen I get a craving for a two piece and a biscuit. Yes, you pedants, I know that Kentucky Fried Chicken had rolls instead of biscuits in 1964. They also served Coca-Cola, so you win some, you lose some. The winners being biscuits and Coca-Cola of course.

Digging that Double-oh Onesie. You know how many old guys in Florida would buy one of those if someone would just make them. You'd be a millionaire by the end of the week. If only Goldfinger had thought of that it would've been a far shorter movie.

As it turns out Bond is not a Beatles fan. Who knew?

Down at Q Branch they have gadgets galore! She would be an interesting Bond girl.

And now the moment we all have been waiting for--the Aston Martin DB5. It really is a beautful car. I saw one once. I doubt that it was one of the ones in the film. They made a few for auto shows and promotional stuff.

It's a great car but as far as the film is concerned it's a bit like the Batmobile. As a kid you think it's brilliant but as you get older you think it's a bit silly. Still would love to own it though. The DB5, not the Batmobile. That would be silly. If you have ever seen a guy driving down the street in a Batmobile you would understand.

You do know that if Goldfinger was being made today Auric Goldfinger would be played by Stellan Skarsgard. Just saying.

Car + cliff = boom!

Ah, Oddjob. The first in a very long line of evil henchmen. Or, as some refer to them, physical baddies. Some people even call them "Buseys." Some of them are better than others. Some are just stupid. Some are there because it wouldn't be a Bond film without one.

Always wear your seat belt before driving into a brick wall.

This is the first time that Bond is placed in an overly elaborate killing device.

In the first two films we saw Bond's allies Quarrel and Kerim Bey die. This time it's the Masterson sisters, Jill and Tilly.

Pussy Galore's Flying Circus isn't as funny as Monty Python's Flying Circus but there are far fewer sheep.

In the novel Pussy was a lesbian, but the film only hints at it. If you ever get a chance to read Bond's thoughts on lesbianism you should. It is just so male. Some guys still think that way. Maybe even some women.

Of course Pussy comes around in the end after a roll in the hay with Bond. This isn't the last time a Bond film dabbled in science fiction.

The Ford Ranchero: It's a car! It's a truck! It's the hermaphrodite of vehicles!

Seriously Mr. Bond, black socks with a grey suit? I expect you to know beter than that.

So, they pull down the garage door at Fort Knox just so Kisch could open the other door?

In a way, Goldfinger was the origional man with the golden gun.

For once Bond and the woman don't end up on a boat.

James Bond will return in Thunderball.

From Russia With Love

This is one of my favorites because it's basically a old school Cold War film. More or less. Bond has to retrieve a Soviet Lektor decoding device. See, that's not hard to follow.

This is the first time we have a pre-credit sequence, and it's a very good one. I bet a lot of you thought that Bond was dead. You were wrong. If this had been a JJ Abrams film I would have thought that the film was starting with a flash forward. But it wasn't and it didn't. Besides, he wasn't even born until 1966 if IMDB is to be trusted. You never know.

The opening titles are starting to take shape. These were the work of Robert Brownjohn. Good work if you can get it.

Kitty! And a million parodies were launched. This is the first time we kind of see Blofeld, Ernst Stavros Blofeld. It won't be the last.

As Rosa Klebb once said. "Training is useful, but it is no substitute for experience." What ever could she be talking about? Some say she is a lesbian. Others that she just really loves her job. All I know is she has a blade in her right shoe.

Desmond Llewelyn begins his long run as Q by giving Bond a briefcase full of plot points.

Back in the day they really just threw the James Bond theme in every chance they got. Here he is walking around a hotel room looking for listening devices and you would think that he is in the middle of a high speed car chase. When he finds one he is moved to the honeymoon suite. In there they have cameras. Six of a dozen, point five of another. Or is it swings and roundabouts? I get those confused.

Gypsy girl-fight! That was certainly exciting while it lasted. That scene went from Russ Meyer to Sam Peckinpah a little to quickly for me. By the way, was that Alfred Molina in the pink shirt?

This is also the first of the Bond films to use the 007 theme. I really like it. It's a bouncy little number.

I hate rats.

Tania's alias was "Caroline." Well, she was pretty in pink. Certainly prettier than Gypsy Alfred Molina.

"You may know the right wines but you're the one on your knees." If I had a box of wine for every time someone said that to me I'd invite every MILF in the county over for a party.

Having said that. it is one of the best fight scenes in the history of cinema. That's the thing about the Bond films--they are always having to one-up themselves. Sometime to their detriment.

Yes, the helicopter scene was more than a bit North by Northwest.

"I'm on a boat!" "I'm in a boat chase!"

And yet again Bond ends up with the girl somewhere out on the ocean.

James Bond will return in Goldfinger.

Dr. No

This is not meant to be a definitive history. It's just a way for me to kill time until the release of  Skyfall. Unless otherwise noted the information comes from the films, commentaries, special features and the booklet enclosed with the DVD. I do not have the films on blu-ray. No one is more sorry than I am.

The plot is . . . Um . . . Basically Dr. No wants to knock a NASA rocket out of the sky and Bond has to stop him. In a way the film is about the fact that Dr. No works for SPECTRE and this is just a set up for the films to follow. If you think about it that is what a lot of films are like today. Not about SPECTRE, but about sucking you in with a plot point so that you watch the rest of the series. Clever.

The film opens with the greatest theme in film history. Then there are Maurice Binder's titles. In Dr. No they seem rather simple compared to the more elaborate ones in recent films but they didn't have the benefits of computer animation in the early Sixties. Don't you people watch Mad Men?

Anorak moment: That isn't Sean Connery in the hat with the gun. He was unavailable on the day so they used stuntman Bob Simmons. So I guess you could say that Bob Simmons is the first person to portray Bond On the big screen. I don't know if I'd try to win any bets down the pub with that nugget.

The three blind assassins were pretty cool. I didn't see that one coming. Neither did Strangways for that matter.

Bond is introduced in a casino playing Baccarat. Baccarat is a game invented by Burt Baccarat to kill time in between writing songs. I actually once learned the rules but I have since forgotten them. It's kind of a high-falutin' Blackjack.

I miss Miss Moneypenny from the last two Bond films. Some reports say that she will be back in Skyfall. The question is who should play the part? I think Catherine Tate, while some smart alec said Benedict Cumberbatch in drag.

This is one of the few of the films not to have a scene with Q. Instead we have M calling for Major Boothroyd the Armourer. This is where we learn that Bond spent six months in hospital after his Beretta jammed. I hate when that happens. I'm glad that they got it sorted in time for the Lethal Weapon films.

Jack Lord wearing Lindsay Lohan's sunglasses plays CIA agent Felix Leiter. A lot of actors have played Leiter over the years. Eight in total. Only six have played Bond. I wonder why this never became a running joke like so many other things did.

I have recurring nightmares about spiders in bed. Not really, but I probably just jinxed myself.

Any car that goes over a cliff must explode. It is law.

Finally at minute sixty-three Ursula Andress shows up. That's the moment we all have been waiting for. This is the 1962 equivalent of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

One of the few quibbles is with the "dragon." That was rather lame. Then again they only had a one million dollar budget. I think they sold it to the producers of National Lampoon's Animal House. Then again I could be wrong.

After Quarrel is killed, and Bond and Honey are taken hostage, we are introduced to Sister Lily and Sister Rose. Thankfully there was no Sister Hyacinth.

If you want to hide in plain sight just grab a folder and act like you know what you are doing. It's worked for me for decades. Also, it does help if you are wearing a hazmat suit. Action figure sold separately.

You think that "Danger Level" sign is big enough? Dr. No may be evil but I'm glad to see that he follows UK health and safety regulations and guidelines regarding signage. A safe workplace is a happy workplace.

Speaking of the title character, I thought that Joseph Wiseman was correct to underplay him. Otherwise Dr. No would come off like a cartoon character. We don't need that in a Bond film.

Bond makes his daring escape and rescues Honey along the way. By the way, wasn't she wearing pants the last time we saw her. I'm not complaining.

Then it ends with the two of them in a boat not wanting to be rescued. Not yet anyway.

As you can tell most of the elements for future Bond films are there. There have been a few additions and tweeks along the way.

Terence Moore was the director and he created the template for the series. He basically taught Sean Connery how to be Bond. It's hard to believe that anyone else other than Connery would have been considered for the role. Cary Grant, James Mason, Patrick McGoohan and some guy called Roger Moore were amongst the candidates.

Peter Hunt created a very fast paced editing style that a lot of action films still use today. The sets were created by Production Designer Ken Adam. He turned the films into a world unlike anything seen in film. They were futuristic and timeless all at once.

James Bond will return in From Russia with Love.